Saturday, July 08, 2006
the cantilevered bikini tops
Just as the numbers were dwindling sufficiently enough for us to remember the difference between the vacant looking Welsh one, the other vacant looking Welsh one, and the Violet Elizabeth Bott one, Big Brother sends us into a summer of morbid depression, by bringing in a variety of new, equally vacant looking ‘housemates’.
Now we have to try and recall which is the ‘rapper’ from Ireland (not the most glamorous location to show on the c.v. when applying for gangsta credibility), and which one is the angry gay chap (Michael? – or is it Matthew? – or Mark? - we can’t be sure).
Lea, with her cantilevered bikini tops, her tears, and her paranoia safely packed in her suitcase, left us on Friday. It was this unhappy lady who first made me wonder whether auditions had been scrapped this year, and that perhaps Big Brother had simply thrown a net over the first fourteen people queuing at a nearby Post Office as they fought each other, attempting to cash their Social Fund girocheques.
From where, they were whisked off and paraded before us in the latter day asylum in Elstree. A sort of Bedlam-Lite.
Returning to the distraught Lea (“You’ve changed!” her remorselessly repeated catchphrase), fans of coarse, inarticulate ladies in their mid-thirties, need not feel as though their summer is over. As if anticipating the demise of the troubled ‘blonde’, Endemol had taken the precaution of introducing a new inmate, in the shape (and an unusual shape it is) of Jayne, a Recruitment Consultant from Slough. Unofficial reports suggest that John Betjeman wrote that poem after spending five minutes in Jayne’s company. The earth exhales. It isn’t clear, who, or what, exactly Jayne spends her time recruiting. However, a quick Google shows that Jayne is hoping to make some money from her BB adventure, in order to pay off debts accumulated “after a string of business flops”. If she has previously used the style, grace, and elan in her business world, which she has shown in her brief tenure in the Big Brother house, perhaps we should not be overtly surprised by that news.
remotevision@gmail.com
Now we have to try and recall which is the ‘rapper’ from Ireland (not the most glamorous location to show on the c.v. when applying for gangsta credibility), and which one is the angry gay chap (Michael? – or is it Matthew? – or Mark? - we can’t be sure).
Lea, with her cantilevered bikini tops, her tears, and her paranoia safely packed in her suitcase, left us on Friday. It was this unhappy lady who first made me wonder whether auditions had been scrapped this year, and that perhaps Big Brother had simply thrown a net over the first fourteen people queuing at a nearby Post Office as they fought each other, attempting to cash their Social Fund girocheques.
From where, they were whisked off and paraded before us in the latter day asylum in Elstree. A sort of Bedlam-Lite.
Returning to the distraught Lea (“You’ve changed!” her remorselessly repeated catchphrase), fans of coarse, inarticulate ladies in their mid-thirties, need not feel as though their summer is over. As if anticipating the demise of the troubled ‘blonde’, Endemol had taken the precaution of introducing a new inmate, in the shape (and an unusual shape it is) of Jayne, a Recruitment Consultant from Slough. Unofficial reports suggest that John Betjeman wrote that poem after spending five minutes in Jayne’s company. The earth exhales. It isn’t clear, who, or what, exactly Jayne spends her time recruiting. However, a quick Google shows that Jayne is hoping to make some money from her BB adventure, in order to pay off debts accumulated “after a string of business flops”. If she has previously used the style, grace, and elan in her business world, which she has shown in her brief tenure in the Big Brother house, perhaps we should not be overtly surprised by that news.
remotevision@gmail.com
# posted by Terence : 7:13 PM
