Wednesday, January 03, 2007
the importance of being davina
CBB5 Day One
A nation worries for the mental health of Davina McCall, with her new Croydon face lift hairstyle, and her ever increasing capacity to gurn at the camera, like Jim Carrey on E.
We now have the additional facial expression with which we will undoubtedly become exasperatingly acquainted over the next few weeks - the serial killer smile. To employ this look, Davina jerks into a freeze-frame stance and leers at us, in the manner of Jack Nicholson as The Joker.
So, let us review the line up. In the order in which they skedaddled along the rainy red carpet...
1. Jermaine Jackson - a rather weather beaten look and the inevitable mirror shades. "How did I get into all of this?" questioned Jermaine in his pre-match VT. Perhaps the rather large appearance fee had something to do with it, Mr Jackson, non?
2. Danielle Lloyd - close friend of age-less West Ham supersub, Teddy Sheringham. First housemate so far to use the 'I'm here so everyone can see the real me' strategy. I wondered if CH4 might bring Teddy on for the last twenty minutes of the show, but he stayed on the bench (or, to be more accurate, the sofa, at home).
3. Ken Russell - loopy film director, who may be this year's irascible McCririck doppelganger. Wearing a pair of Simon Cowell trousers, he appeared to be suffering from something; but I'm not sure what it is...
4. Jo O'Meara - refugee from S Club 7, she made little impact, yet, inexplicably is the early favourite with the bookmakers.
5. Little Leo Sayer - yet another attempt to turn the clock back thirty years. "I'm really good at cheering up a room", he squeaked. We'll see if everyone is still saying that after a week or so. Wore a Hare Krishna scarf.
6. Shilpa Shetty - just one vowel away from the most unfortunate surname to adorn Big Brother to date. Heavily made up, and immaculately dressed, did she really say "I'm special" and "I'm very synonymous with glamour" ? Yes, she did.
7. Carole Malone - the one lone cry of 'Who are ya?' as she creaked up the stairs said it all. Complete outsider with the bookies and likely to be booted out early on.
8. Donny Tourette - unlikely to be his real name, I suggest. Gave first impression of being an imbecile, whose chief hobby is spitting. Allegedly the boyfriend of Peaches Geldof, but not the sort of chap one would take home to meet Papa. Likely to prompt Daily Mail readers towards appealing for the return of compulsory National Service.
9. Ian 'H' Watkins - currently third favourite, he seemed rather 'normal', which may count against him as the weeks drag by. Former member of Steps, but everyone deserves a second chance in life.
10. Cleo Rocos - Brazilian gal, who is chiefly known for not doing very much since appearing in lame Kenny Everett sketches, several decades ago. Seemed rather pleasant but will not attract the level of voting needed to progress far, one foresees.
11. Dirk Benedict - former member of the 'A' Team, his dramatic entrance was undermined when, after the rest of him climbed out of the van, his left leg appeared to follow on about twenty seconds later.
It came across as somewhat of a low key start to CBB 2007. It rained. There was no Hasselhof, no Stephen Hawking, and thank heavens, no Robert Kilroy-Silk.
Will Shilpa be able to ignore Donny's rolling spitballs of phlegm? Will little Leo try and organise some party games, "I'm really good at cheering up a room" ?
Let the games of the CBB Olympiad commence.
remotevision@gmail.com
# posted by Terence : 7:43 PM
