Thursday, January 04, 2007
the pirate of buckinghamshire
CBB5 Day Two
Aha! Already the game has begun. Let's make fun of the old geezer.
I'm worried for Ken Russell; we may yet see the first BB contender expire (whilst being monitored by thirty seven cameras). Maybe it is because I see my own calendar galumphing around and I can see my future in a sort of Ken Russell world of badly fitting trousers and a dazed expression.
How soon it becomes apparent that a contender's chances of winning are so reliant on the edit for the highlight show. This evening we saw that the camera does not find much of interest in Carole Malone, yet it follows Donny around like a cougar stalking a hyena. Donny is a strange fish and no mistake; a sort of Woolworth's version of a 1977 punk. A sort of Johnny Depp-lite.
Things we learned today:
To alleviate the problem of not wishing to introduce himself, Jermaine, handily, has his name emblazoned across his trousers. However to confuse those with whom he has just met, he also has the names of the other Jackson family members scribbled out on his jeans in a bizarre marriage of sequins and coloured threads. I imagine he doesn't put these jeans through a hot wash.
I'm wondering if Jermaine is being sponsored by Oil Of Olay. He must duck his entire face into a bucketful of the stuff several times a day. It's either Oil Of Olay or chip fat. I'll keep looking for clues and let you know.
Ian told us how he 'came out in the papers' just before he entered the house. He said this as if anyone who ever knew of his work whilst in Steps would be even mildly surprised at the news.
I was trying to think of who Little Leo reminded me of as he paraded in his retro stripey jim-jams... Andy Pandy! That's it. Without Teddy and Looby Loo at his side, it took me a while to put him into context.
But back to Donny. Always back to Donny Woolworth.
"You're still 'aving it son", he croaked to a startled Dirk Benedict, "You must know how to blow sh*t up!".
Later Donny added to the jollity of the day by gobbing into the hot tub. It's one way of topping up the water level, I suppose...
Will Jermaine run out of emollients to smear all over his face? Will Carole be seen for more than ten seconds of screen time? Will Jade Goody or Lauren Harries be launched in tomorrow night?
Hide the remote.
remotevision@gmail.com
# posted by Terence : 8:14 PM
