Wednesday, January 24, 2007
the washing up brothers
CBB5 Day Twenty
You know how we keep reading in the newspapers about low-budget satnav systems sending their unwitting owners into rivers and over cliffs?* This is rather the stage we have come to now with CBB5. The inmates are being led to a kind of celebrity oblivion, with no alternative routes mapped, and no warning signs along the way.
Jo has now revealed a third hobby, to add to her other two - bunging ten pence pieces into fruit machines in Essex amusement arcades, and nicking toilet rolls from restaurant bathrooms. This new hobby is biting her fingernails until she reaches her elbows, whilst continually speculating about 'a big news story outside'. My! She must be psychic... or burdened with a guilty concern regarding her behaviour which she continues to be unable to contain.
Jo is forging ahead with her craving for turning her ire to grumpy Dirk. She said, "He's got an attitude problem... miserable, twisted, bitter old man." A psychologist may consider that she was reflecting upon her own personality and transferring her self-analysis towards Dirk. Except for the 'old man' bit obviously. Hmmm... I don't know though....
H from Steps (how he must hate that description!) in his alarming singlet (he looks like a P.E. teacher) tells us that "nobody understands what we're going through" describing it as if the housemates have been transported back to 19th century Crimea and have ridden with the Cavalry in the Charge of the Light Brigade, rather than sitting around in an air-conditioned tv studio being fed chocolate cake and ice cream.
"Theirs not to reason why / Theirs but to butter some toast", as Alfred, Lord Tennyson nearly said.
H, though, loves the tasks, in a sort of masochistic, ultra-serious fashion. The Scissor Sisters routine saw H once again bashfully putting himself in the role of technical director. He seemed to be visualising himself directing Darcy Bussell at the Royal Ballet, rather than leading a geezer from the A Team, and Jade Goody's squeeze, through a nightmarish piece of campery, in which Cleo had the most amazingly fixed smile since Tony Blair addressed the Women's Institute.
From the Scissor Sisters, let us consider Jermaine & Dirk, the Washing Up Brothers. It's notable that in most incarnations of BB, the majority of the group assume the role of layabouts, whilst the poor soul(s) who then try and restore order to the kitchen carnage get nominated, for being 'too fussy'. How long it would take for Jack, Jo & Danielle to end up licking food directly out of saucepans because there are no clean plates, knives or forks left, is open to debate, but I don't think I would rush to take up an invite to pop round for Sunday lunch at Jo's gaffe.
"When we on simple rations sup
How easy is the washing up!
But heavy feeding complicates
The task by soiling many plates."
Christopher Morley 2001
*I may have been exaggerating there.
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# posted by Terence : 9:10 PM
