Friday, January 09, 2009
Tina & The Face Cream
CBB6 Day Seven So... Michael Barrymore's career summed up in a ten second sequence. No audience, Barrymore waving manically into the distance and nobody noticed. Ah, how soon we forget.
Incidentally, which advert is scoring highest to gain the award for the worst commercial aired around the country during Celebrity Big Brother? I appreciate that the ads are different depending on the region, but I'm guessing we are all getting the cringe-making one for Norwich Union in which a bloke in a garage chucks a few items to another bloke, and then this second bloke 'hilariously' dons a wig that even Elton John would throw into the incinerator. It's irritation quotient is high because of the grating assumption that we are all so stupid that we are taken in by the context of bloke number one, not actually being a bloke at all, but a sort of representation of the concept of Norwich Union. This representation is not anything or anyone in the physical sense, but an emotion, a feeling, an abstract - called 'Happy'.
No wonder they're changing the name of the company. Aviva is Hebrew and means 'Spring' or 'Renewal', which possibly has a bit more worldwide appeal to it than 'Norwich' which means 'second rate football team' apparently.
Tina's appearance was much improved by the addition of a barrel of cream slapped on to her face. That must have been one hell of a blackhead.
Tina continues to exhibit personality traits that, if she lived next door to you, would have you abandoning your house and rushing away to join a commune in the Hebrides. I suppose we all see ourselves as the centre of our own little worlds, but Tina sees herself at the very core of not only her own universe, but everyone else's universe too. Nothing happens, or at least holds any significance, until we hear Tina's take on it, and how it affects her. If one housemate says how he or she is feeling, this only has any importance for Tina in that it gives the opportunity for her to exclaim that her feelings are more intense, or more extreme, or of more depth.
At one point today, I had to reach for my remote control, and check I hadn't accidentally hit the pause button, as Tina suddenly emerged from the Diary Room (swelled with pomp and grandiosity) and said in slow motion, "I....have....to....read....the....instructions....for....the....shopping....task...."
I wouldn't want to behind her in the queue at Tesco. "I'll....just....get....my....clubcard....it's....in....my....purse....which....is....in....my
....handbag...."
Tina's other significant moment of the day was when she furnished us with information that I really do wish she had kept to herself. It involved matters of a very personal nature related to her ummmm... reaction to seeing Chesney Hawkes. It proved to be another very good reason not to be behind her in the queue at the supermarket.
In order to reinvent himself as a fine and upstanding member of both family life and the community, Coolio reassured LaToya that he was not one of these men who fathered lots of children by a host of different women.
"I've got six kids but not by six mothers", he said.
"Two?, asked Latoya, inquisitively.
"Four", said our man outta Compton, with, I suspect, a slightly diminished air.
remotevison@gmail.com
# posted by Terence : 7:12 PM
